The big question, the one that is always asked, is — WHY? Not only about transvestites, but of any form of expression outside that safe area which is regarded as “normal”. What, really, is “normal”? If it is normal for a boy to play football well, is a boy who cannot abnormal? Years ago, left-handed people were seen as having an abnormality; now, in this more enlightened age, we no longer notice. How do we gain this understanding which turns the abnormal to normal? At what stage do we human beings stop concerning ourselves with the faults of others and — as a mass — accept?

Man and woman have the power to reason — by adding and subtracting know ledge we can work out a formula; from the formula we arrive at an answer. We have succeeded in creating an equation out of a myth, and myths are no more than doubts. Doubts are fears; fear is silence, and silence is ignorance. Until we have a formula to use we can gain no knowledge or understanding.

We do not seek to condone or condemn, but to offer you a little knowledge to aid your judgement. To some, transvestism is a problem which they will not re solve. Others will accept it, and adjust to it. Our statements will affect your decision. You may feel that we are biased towards acceptance. We are. Above all things the love of two people for each other is of primary importance. You were once strangers, but you have shared your joys, sorrows, doubts and problems. You looked to a future united in the love of two beings. It is an emotion which only humans can share with voice; we are able to speak, and to listen. Compassion for each other’s helplessness must be better than turning away from each other through lack of understanding.

Knowledge can be acquired by setting out to find an answer to the causes of confusion and puzzlement — to actions which seem abnormal. This booklet, in the format of questions and answers, sets out along the road to greater understanding. Most transvestites see the whole affair as the beginning and end of all their living, but the reasons are simple. The motive is related to sexual imagination, the act is a means to an end. If it is suppressed, it gives rise to fears and a guilt complex; for no more than being someone else, while remaining aware that they are still them selves — but in the guise of a female.

Transvestism; man’s oddest form of behaviour, is the last unacceptable minority, the least understood. Riddled with myths of their own making, man’s true envy of the female, adoration of the female beyond the bounds of logic; the need to experience for themselves, not what it feels to be someone else as an actor might — but to be seen as the opposite sex.

Transvestism, then, - unfrocked!

1. I have discovered that my husband/boyfriend is a transvestite. What makes him do it?

He has been drawn, for whatever reason, into dressing in female clothes. This has become a compulsion. There are no set patterns, but as the person gets older the urge towards transvestism can grow stronger. Please try to keep an open mind: within this booklet we hope to diminish, or dispel, many of your fears, and help you towards under standing. You will learn that many of your fears have no foundation. The unknown always creates misunderstanding; once you have a better knowledge of transvestism you should be able to find some degree of tolerance.

A transvestite is not mentally ill, nor is he harmful to others. Transvestism is a compulsion to dress as a woman. In society, women are accepted and acknowledged as being gentler people. Transvestites dress in order to adopt the stereotyped image of the female, which is invariably a softer, more relaxed person.

Men who enjoy dressing as women, and have done so for a number of years, have developed a certain feeling for behaviour which is gentle; they do not consider violence as part of this image. In society, we regard the female as one who shows love, tenderness and gentleness. Women show care and devotion to children. Violence is part of the male image. Transvestites like to shed the male image and take on that of the female, along with the clothes. They feel that once they are dressed they can relax and be free from the everyday pressures and tensions of being male.

Transvestism is at best a lonely act, and they have little contact with other people. They do nothing apart from dress which could be described as mentally sick. A large number of women dress in jeans and boots and adopt male wear as a mode of fashion. We do not consider them to be mentally ill.

Transvestism is like smoking; easy to start and very hard to stop. It can start as simple curiosity and grow into an act of which he is constantly aware; he may feel he has to dress to express himself. He may strive to feel normal, yet be driven by his need to wear the clothing of the opposite sex. There are no definite “reasons” why a man be comes a transvestite. Human beings experience a complex set of emotions; the mind can draw us into friendship or love without our really understanding the attraction. It is too easy to take people’s good points for granted and forget them; yet blame them for their human failings and faults. You may find that you are resenting something which seems unsuitable to your lifestyle, or to your pre-conceived ideas.

Loneliness in young children is sometimes an important factor. He might have been a shy child who was jealous of the way his sister was shown open affection. Sight and smell play important roles in associations with mother. Womanly smells and the clothing worn can have an acute affect on the fertile mind of a young child. His imagination creates pictures of safety and love, a feeling which the items of clothing will accentuate. His sister might have been able to talk to his mother in ways that were forbidden to him. Wearing a dress closed the gap between the sexes for him and perhaps he thought that if he were a girl he would have the same attention.

As he grows older he understands better how clothes identify sexual roles. He is puzzled by the aura of mystery which girls’ clothes have, even when they are not being worn.

Great attention is paid to making female clothes soft and decorative. They are pleasing to his senses and he may like their feel, although he feels guilt at touching them. They arouse sexual feelings, and yet women hide them. He can recall, however, seeing women posing in underwear on hoardings, television, newspapers and books. In real life, they are hidden, and may become fascinating. The clothes take on a symbolic meaning. The discovery that he can wear them will create a sense of the erotic. The sight and feel will induce sexual pleasure, erection and masturbation. Then he feels guilty that he has used the clothes as a means of sexual expression. He will create a sexual fantasy and continue to use the clothes to create sexual excitement, and to induce it.

We all have sexual fantasies. The transvestite wants to wear female clothes, and yet retain his male sexual identity. This will result in guilt and mental confusion. He may feel he is going mad. Fear of discovery and the compulsion to dress creates a conflict of will, but the urge never ceases.

2. How common is transvestism?

3. What type of background do transvestites come from?

Transvestism has no social barriers: from Dukes to Dustmen, we are all reduced to one level through our badge of office — the skirt.

Transvestism is the last unaccepted form of social behaviour; the last minority, the most misunderstood, and man’s strangest social habit. There are many theories as to why they start, but each transvestite can deny that any of them are the reason why he started. Neither is there an age limit to when one can start, some have been known to at a very early age, just after crawling; others as late as sixty years or older. In all of them, the fears of discovery are the same; no matter what their background, all believe at the beginning that they are the only one, and few ever have any desire to bring it out in the open. Even those who wish society to understand them better are reluctant to make themselves visible. All have tried to stop; all have discovered that they can not resist re-starting. Cures are there none — there is no cure for pleasure.

Meeting others within Groups or Societies is a great leveller; no one is better or worse, colour, politics or religion has no meaning. The walks and classes of society are immaterial. Old age or youth do not matter — the young can be wise, the old foolish. But the pleasure of knowing that they are not alone cannot be measured. Transvestites are a small group of human beings with only one thing in common —they are men in the guise of women. Through social dress, they defy the rules of what is male and female in their social image to society.

At best we are a travesty of women; in being so, we are transvestite.

4. I feel as if my trust has been broken and I have been let down.

Transvestism is a secretive thing and most transvestites find it difficult to bring themselves out into the open. Social attitudes can cause embarrassment, and he may feel that he will be letting himself down as a man in your eyes. You must understand his fears that, on discovery, your relationship would deteriorate, and that there would be separation or divorce. It all adds to the fears of the transvestite’s experience. It is not a betrayal of trust. He has no wish to bring unnecessary conflict into the marriage. By keeping his transvestism from you he has not let you down; rather he has understood that you do not need any extra pressures in the everyday working relationship of your marriage. He felt that if he did so he would help to destroy the love of one human being for another. His main fear is that you will reject him, seeking a divorce.

The fact you have asked for outside help shows that, much as you feel letdown, you are seeking some answers which might allow you to accept him for what he is; rather than what society feels that he should be.

His behaviour and habits have much to do with the reasons that you love him. Part of your own feelings for him is reflected in this, and in his understanding of you. Many of the things you love about him are there because he is a transvestite. His thoughts on the small intimate pleasures which you find appealing arise from his own understanding of what he would like, were he a woman by nature rather than a transvestite.

Often the frustrations that he feels, or the moods of depression he suffers, are caused by the compulsion to dress. It has a sense of urgency which defies logical explanation; the compulsion creates tension, and relief is only obtained by dressing. If this is inhibited, then outwardly he shows some form of resentment. You may be seen as the indirect cause: you are wearing the clothes which society designates as female apparel. It can appear to the transvestite to be deliberate antagonism, though obviously you have no realisation of this.

5. Am I reacting normally if I am disgusted, and fail to understand?

Yes. Most people feel this sense of confusion when confronted with transvestism. Lack of understanding often causes a sense of disgust. You feel you have been cheated and letdown by a person who is close to you. You feel that you have failed as a woman.

Basically, your sense of disgust stems from the fact that the man you married appears to have failed to live up to the image which society regards as masculinity. As a woman, you look to your partner for strength and security, shelter, protection; to be a father to his children, a provider for his family, and a lover to his wife. To have this aura of safety threatened, not as we expect, from the outside, but from within, can only give rise to uncertainty and worry. In modern society we accord and give roles which we are expected to play, with the sexual roles of both male and female set in the patterns which are regarded as ‘normal’, and we dress accordingly to identify the two opposite sexual images. However, no one person is fully male or fully female, and here the desire to emulate the opposite sex is a break from the sex role, seen as either male or female. The fact is that we all have certain weaknesses, or admire the other’s life role in the sexual image. Transvestism is a copy of society’s image of dress; it does not mean weakness of character, nor is it a perversion; both men and women are drawn to copy the opposite sex, and the trends of fashion often create an overlap. We admire women who show courage in the face of adversity because of the strength of character displayed; yet this is usually considered to be a male characteristic.

The transvestite generally acts in exactly the same way as the average man; both in his work role or in the pleasures of sport. Nor is he effeminate in manner; that is not an image which he can project in male clothing, as he has an inbuilt fear that his secret life would be discovered and he would become an object of ridicule. By his outward portrayal of maleness he is able to heighten his enjoyment in dressing and acting out an image role of woman. Simply through the wearing of female clothes he is able to give freedom to project the softer, gentler side of his nature.

6. Am I at fault as a woman?

There is no point blaming yourself. Transvestism is something created by the transvestite and not by those around him, there can be many reasons. He may feel admiration for women and a need to emulate them to the extent where he feels a sense of well-being from dressing in their clothes. No-one is at fault.

Although there may be strong sexual associations for him regarding female clothes and transvestism, that does not mean that you have failed to captivate him with your own femininity.

7. Can a woman really accept transvestism?

There are no hard and fast rules of behaviour in a relationship between two people. Some women have the quality of being able to understand, others can be unreasonable, partly through conjecture. It is understandable that most women will feel embarrassed and bewildered by the fact that what, to her, are just items of clothing, will be used by the man to disguise his masculinity and present the stereotype image of a woman.

Quite often, because of his lack of experience, the man cannot convey the image of a woman, and, while trying to understand his need to express this emotive desire, the woman is only able to see in him a grotesque parody of her own sex. She should try to understand that the whole presentation is one of acute embarrassment for both partners; that for years he has suppressed his need, and may have indulged in what he would see as ‘stolen moments’ only when she was out of the house. He is also strongly aware that he has constantly tried harder than most men to present an image of masculinity, as a result of which it is sometimes difficult to believe that the man she has lived with for so long has the desire to dress as a woman.

The confrontation for the first time is head on. If the marriage is to survive there will have to be give and take, with both partners trying to understand the other’s feelings, particularly during the first few times his transvestism is exposed as a visible image. The man will expect his wife to be a master of make-up and deportment, whereas her skills have been acquired over the years only in relation to herself. She knows how to make up and dress herself in order to present herself as a female in public. Few women can explain logically why they use make-up, but most know instinctively that it will make them feel good. However, her skills have been applied only to herself, and if she is asked to use them on another she will no doubt find it very difficult. For the man, there might be a disappointment when his wife tries to change his masculine facial area into the feminine ‘peaches and cream’ young lady — and it just doesn’t work! However, by watching his wife attentively while she demonstrates on herself he will learn the basics, which will help him to get some semblance of the image he would like. By regularly giving him such small ‘lessons’, she will no longer suffer the uneasiness of the early days.

Many wives and girlfriends have stated that, over a period of time, they have quite enjoyed the improvement that the transvestite has made with their guidance. (Dare I say it? — even, Proud?) At this stage their partner becomes, to some extent, an androgynous individual in whom they see no threat.

It is only through the games of transvestism; played, acted, directed, devised and endured, that acceptance, and lack of embarrassment and inhibitions come. There are a number of women who quite enjoy (sometimes secretly) the feminisation of the male.

8. My partner only wears female underwear; is he a transvestite?

A more realistic term in this case is fetishist. There are many forms of fetish, and it could be said that transvestites who dress fully as women are carrying fetishism to the ultimate degree. Many will speak of their youth, when they were first drawn to dressing, possibly just in items of underwear, belonging to their mother or sister. Though they might have used only these items of clothing, they will often state that they wished to dress fully in the outer garments as well; to satisfy their need to see themselves as the girls/women which they felt that the clothes made them.

Most underwear fetishists start after puberty, using the underwear for the reason of masturbation, without necessarily wishing to make themselves look like women. They do not wear wigs, make-up or outer clothing. Quite often, the man who has a fetish about underwear would not see himself as a transvestite, but over a period of time many do start to dress fully. You could possibly help overcome his fetish by wearing the type of clothes which he uses for sexually arousing himself. This sexual arousal is not in itself unusual; all heterosexual men see underwear as highly sexual; as erotic imagery (hence the term “sexy undies”). To be realistic, the clothes are designed for the woman to wear, and will look better on you than him! It might help if you can project yourself in a more seductive manner, wearing the clothes through which he gains the arousal for masturbation.

You might well feel that the clothing he wears for this purpose are causing him to ignore your own sexual needs. The underwear might be playing a small symbolic part of his need to dress fully, and his fear of discovery may be acting as an inhibition to that extent. For some men, their physique makes it impossible for them to look anything other than grotesque if dressed fully in women’s clothes.

Men who turn to fetishism involving underwear invariably do so because they have a high sex drive which needs more than the normal sexual intercourse which can take place in the marriage. Dressing in the type of clothes he uses can also be quite fun for the woman — to see herself dressed as a ‘femme fatale’ — and who knows; you might even grow to like it. After all, it appears that the man in your life does!

9. Can a transvestite partner make a good husband?

Assuming that you are engaged, and you have just learnt from him that he is a transvestite, you might be shocked; though this is not so in every case. Some women seem to think nothing of it, and to some degree even encourage their partners to dress. Others make unreasonable demands, refusing the transvestite any means of expression, in the belief that it will ‘go away’. Like dust swept under a carpet, it will not. The transvestism will always be active in his imagination, causing frustration and depression to take a strong hold; which will cause the breakdown of the marriage — with divorce as the final answer.

If you are married, you might feel resentful, and that you have been deceived (see other answers). If you can gain some understanding, and the transvestite realises the importance of your feelings, and a respect for them, quite often there will be a strengthening of the affection which binds you.

What makes a good husband? Every partnership is based on two people with a set of ideals. Time spent in courtship gives only a slight insight into another’s character; their likes and dislikes. In marriage, we learn of each other’s shortcomings, weaknesses and faults; and we also learn the true meaning of love. The transvestite is just another man; but one with the desire to dress as a woman.

10. Who can I talk to now that I know he is a transvestite?

Obviously, it is best if you can talk to your partner about it, because by doing so you can find out how he relates to his transvestism. Of course, it is always easier if one can discuss this with another woman who is in a similar position. You will find it extremely helpful to talk to other transvestites’ wives who have come to terms with this emotive period of their relationships. It is through these social contacts that one realises that many fears and doubts have little or no foundation.

Many wives quite easily accept transvestism, as they do not see it as a threat within the confines of their relationship. It is only because we believe in the strength of the male image that we see it as abnormal for a man to dress in female clothes. Women often wear trousers during normal everyday activities, and they do not attach added strength to them in any way.

You may possibly find that talking to either a marriage guidance counsellor or the Samaritans will be beneficial; but as a listening ear only. They have knowledge of transvestism in the first place only through Transvestite/Transsexual Groups and Societies.

11. Is there a cure?

Transvestism has no cure, as it is not an illness. Transvestites deviate from the acceptable behavioural pattern that is all. Psychiatrists have tried various methods of ‘curing’ it, from drugs to ECT, aversion therapy, and soon. It was found that none worked. It is a pleasure to the person, and there is no cure for pleasure.

Quite often transvestites will believe that they are mentally ill because they are isolated through their fear of discovery. Too often, this loneliness can cause depression; even those who are not transvestite will understand the need for some form of social friendship; many people find it difficult to make such contacts through shyness. For the transvestite this can be two-fold, as they are also afraid that their “secret” will be discovered.

Though you may feel that your partner should see a psychiatrist, they in turn can do nothing to stop or prescribe what is no more than the simple act of dressing. The fact that society puts so much store on being masculine cause's men to grow into adults wanting to be known as the male; yet deep-seated feelings that are as old as time itself causes the transvestite to wish to portray the image of a woman.

Though most transvestites do not want a sex change, the desire has crossed the mind of every one at some stage; the very fact that a man wishes to wear female clothing is a reminder that from the onset of the transvestism, either young or old, they wanted to be seen as female, or wondered what it felt like to wear skirts. The act of doing so, for the transvestite, is the first step in what becomes a lifetime compulsion.

We must bear in mind that there are a thousand reasons why a transvestite dresses in female clothing for the first time, and no two are the same; but there is a pattern which emerges: The second time makes it the habit of a lifetime.

Yet, for all the fuss and trauma, the act in itself is nothing more than…....

…....getting dressed .

12. Will he stop if I refuse his need to dress and threaten divorce?

Anyone who offers a threat as a cure will not find that they or their life will get any better. It will not stop him, and you will find your attitude will not gain his love. This is something which gives him pleasure, and he will not be forced into a rejection of transvestism. Would you accept control over your way of expressing yourself?

When you encounter a fault in your marriage nobody expects that it is going to be easy to solve. Each partner must to some degree appreciate the other’s weaknesses, and accept them to some extent. In this way, the weaknesses become tolerable, and the strengths become a greater bond between two people living together.

If you cannot accept his transvestism, then at least let him find a means of expressing it outside the marriage and the home by joining a group which accepts him and offers help through social contact. Perhaps you could arrange to be absent on certain days so that he may dress at home, and maybe have the company of one of his like-minded friends.

All transvestites will wish to meet others; mostly to talk and discuss their dressing. This helps to allay fears which they may have built up over the years about their transvestism, and also to find a sympathetic listener who shares their desire to dress in women’s clothing. Another major topic is what they feel to be ‘woman’s talk’; about fashion or make-up — what little talk of sex there may be is often to re-affirm their heterosexuality.

In a study of transvestites and their literature, by Dr. Brierley, it was very clearly noted that the greatest reading pleasure of the transvestite lies in the descriptions of putting the clothes on, e.g. “I drew the dainty satin petticoat over my head and let it slither over my body”. One would normally read, “I pulled on the slip and then stepped into the skirt”. The words and visual images which evoke the picture of a man dressing in female clothes is the pleasure; transvestism is not a prelude to sexual encounters. It stands alone in the sheer pleasure of wearing the clothes and sharing the experience. The need for sexual contact with either sex is no part of the compulsion.

It should also be borne in mind that quite often the acceptance by both parties of his need to dress will result in the transvestite no longer feeling the sense of urgency to do so. Often, awareness of sharing the secret acts as a control after the first instance of you seeing him dress. You might feel acutely embarrassed at seeing him dressed for the first time; he will feel the same; but after this there can be an element of fun, excitement and discovery in the knowledge that he is now sharing his transvestism with someone else for the first time.

If you feel that permanent separation is the only solution to your predicament, and use transvestism as grounds for the divorce, then it will become public knowledge through reporting in newspapers. This will hurt yourself and others within your family circle.

13. As he is a transvestite, is he homosexual?

No. It is through stereotyping the image of homosexuality that it has become linked with effeminacy. Transvestites are generally married and prefer normal co-habitation with a woman. Invariably he is more sympathetic and understanding, and involved with home affairs and the responsibility of children. As his transvestism very probably existed before your relationship or your marriage, when he was a single person, then it is obvious that he has remained heterosexual and carried out the normal courtship of the female.

Your partner has already shown in his love for you that he sees himself as a normal male, and seeks normal sexual intercourse. He is not any less a man through deriving pleasure from transvestism; in fact it is not unusual that through the act of dressing he has built within his sexual nature a stronger need to prove to himself what he already knows he is: a man.

Transvestism is not homosexuality; it is an aberration from the normal mode of dress we associate with sexual identification; of the two different styles of dress which provide the visual images by which the sexes are defined in society.

Homosexuality is an act of sex between two persons of the same gender. There are transvestites who are homosexual, just as there are transvestites who are heterosexual.

As heterosexuals are the larger part of what is termed normal society, and your relation ship was built on a normal heterosexual courtship, you may safely assume that any homosexual feelings are unlikely.

There are, however, bisexuals; who can have relationships with both sexes. They can and do use their transvestism as a means of making themselves attractive to the male sex. In such cases it appears that they both enjoy the image role for sexual reasons; the transvestite seeing the role of dressing as a woman and performing what is a homosexual act as a further extension of the female he is playing. Often, the partner in turn will see the act as non-homosexual: as the male is playing the female role (through image), the act is not associated as homosexual.

It must be made clear that homosexuality involves an attraction of the same sexual identities, so for the male homosexual masculinity is, to some extent, the same attraction that a woman feels for a man. A man dressed as a female has no attraction to the male homosexual; he is normally looking for a male image to which he can relate.

14. How does one define a “Gay Transvestite”?

There is a great deal of misunderstanding about this; not only by the general public, but by some other societies, which offer help only to the heterosexual transvestite.

The definitive gay transvestite is simply a gay person who derives pleasure from dressing as a female; often starting from the age when they find themselves attracted to men, rather than women. This attraction causes them to think that they should act, and feel, as a woman. They turn to dressing, but then discover that homosexual men are not attracted to transvestites. They form homosexual relationships as men, but find that the urge to dress is still there — often with no desire to have homosexual relationships.

Some gay men are drawn to transvestism in exactly the same way as heterosexual males, and although they can, and do, express their transvestism at ‘Drag’ or Costume Balls, within their close circle of gay friends they will not be open about their transvestism.

The gay transvestite will enjoy his transvestism in the same way as the heterosexual or bisexual transvestite, but is often even more secretive about it as a young person, as, despite the fact that gay people are more tolerant than most heterosexuals, they can scorn ‘their own’ quite bitterly; often showing far greater antagonism than one would expect.

In conversation with the author, many young gay transvestites have expressed reluctance to dress at the Group Social Meetings through the fear that one of their friends might see them.

A heterosexual man who dresses as a female and, while dressed, has sex with another man is a bisexual — not homosexual — transvestite; despite the usual belief. Men who use female clothing to have sex with other transvestites, or men, are not gay transvestites, as they often believe themselves to be but bisexuals. Remove the female attire, and they have no desire to have homosexual relationships; they will seek conventional heterosexual affairs in their normal male role.

It is sad that many transvestites have been barred or expelled from the ‘heterosexual only’ societies because they admitted that they were gay; whereas, in fact, they were bisexual. It seems that such societies fail to understand the definitive sexual terms. The TV/IS Group have no such rulings; it offers support and help to transvestites, transsexuals, and partners of either sex. It is there for transvestites and transsexuals, and considers enquiries about sexual preferences an unnecessary intrusion into personal privacy.

15. Will my husband/boyfriend want to change sex?

This, like the homosexuality question, is a common fear. Even transvestites ask themselves this question at some stage. Most realise that the change in lifestyle would mean a great loss. They accept their biological role, and enjoy their transvestism.

Of course, there are some who want to take this step. They must undergo treatment at a Gender Clinic. Such cases might result in a divorce, which will almost certainly cause great distress within the family circle.

Transvestites are avid readers of books by transsexuals, and many believe, because they have experienced almost exactly the same feelings as those of the authors, that they are also transsexual. Very few realise that the number of persons seeking this change run into thousands; they believe that they are as unique as the authors of the books. In detailing their histories these transsexual authors frequently allow themselves a large amount of poetic licence in their attempt to convey that they are different, making such claims as that they “are women trapped in a man’s body”. They are also trying to equate themselves to normal people, to justify their actions. In his book ‘Sex Errors of the Body’, Professor John Money clearly states on transvestite transsexualism. “The transvestite transsexual is a person who is typically, though not invariably, morphologically and physiologically normal according to contemporary methods of biological testing and measurement They are driven by a fanatical desire to dress to impersonate, and also a fanatical neglect of, and wish to be rid of, the sexual appurtenances of their bodies as given by nature They want their bodies to look like, as well as be dressed like, the other sex, they want to live the life of the other sex, occupationally as well as erotically. Transsexuals know what they want and have usually ascertained from reading and hearsay a vast amount of sex education pertaining to their condition “.

The point here is that one can clearly see that while transvestites do cross the boundaries of sexual images by emulating women, transvestite transsexuals appear to read and listen to other transsexuals, who they in turn copy. Transsexualism is far more often a state of mind than a biological sexual error, and many of the reasons claimed by the majority of transsexuals are totally without foundation.

If your partner claims that he had no interest in sports and that he preferred playing with a doll and dressing as a girl when young, then the majority of transvestites, who live a normal lifestyle and enjoy the best of both worlds, can claim the same. Many transsexuals will deny vehemently that they were ever transvestite, yet will admit to dressing as females for a great number of years before meeting other transsexuals, or learning through books or newspapers that there ever were such people. Many claim that they ‘knew they were women’ from the age of eight. At eight years old most boys can’t tell the time, let alone what sex they are; or the difference!

On average, only one transvestite in fifty will desire to go as far as a sex change. Those who do feel drawn to the transsexual lifestyle should either seek medical help or a transvestite and transsexual group, where they will learn a great deal of the truth about these matters. Many have broken their homes only to find that what they sought was beyond their capabilities.

Transvestism is the cradle of transsexualism, and a few will achieve the required status for surgery. Most cannot meet the demands, and that in itself is the medicine. The late Dr. Randall pointed out that only 10% succeeded; and this is from the figures of those continuing treatment. There are a great many who disappear and fail to inform relatives of their new lifestyle or who have failed after five years of waiting

The real chances of your partner wanting to follow this course are very remote. Very often the comforts of home put it out of the question, and the love of two people united in marriage is almost invariably stronger.

One can only gain knowledge by seeking out proper guidance. By reaching out a hand of comfort to help each other at the time of the discovery, you will do far better than you would later, in a state of bitterness and argument. Most transvestites are insecure; unsure even about their own feelings. It will help to retain common sense and an open channel of communication. In this way a sense of order can be brought from the confusion.

16. Is transvestism inherited? Can children be influenced towards transvestism?

No. There are no facts which point to a person’s family line having transvestism in each generation. There can be transvestites in different branches of a family, but there is no link. It is often believed that transvestites are very feminine in appearance and behaviour, and that those who look like this as young children may become transvestites or homosexuals. The facts prove otherwise. Most transvestites look and behave quite normally as children. They appear to be average males in manner and appearance, and their female role playing and dressing is a compulsion. It has little to do with the masculine behaviour which we expect in men as the rule. The reasons for wanting to dress are different in each case, with the urge stemming from the sight or feel of female clothing.

There are very few instances where the transvestism is influenced by others. A number of transvestites will fantasise that they are forced to dress as a female in a set of imagined circumstances to sexually excite the imagination for masturbation. Often, these fantasies of ‘enforced transvestism’ are effectively an excuse by the transvestite himself for his otherwise illogical desires and feelings. Only very rarely has a boy been encouraged to dress by others — the social consequences of discovery are too great; neither is there any reason to create this situation.

Some years ago a case was made known to the Group in which a father sought help from the Group because the mother had tried to influence a young boy to dress as a girl while the father was out. The boy, even after a year of being encouraged to dress, still rebelled, and told the father. He in turn sought a divorce and won the custody of the child. The mother was disturbed, and was under psychiatric care at the time. Since the divorce the father has seen no urge in the boy to dress as a girl.

17. Will it be an influence on male children?

If a young child is allowed to observe the father/partner dressing, or dressed, as a female then there will almost certainly be some form of reaction; but not necessarily transvestism. It is unlikely that the young child will wish to dress as a woman or become a transvestite; but as adults we are the teachers of what is right and wrong, and it can and will have some effect on the child’s outlook on life.

It is extremely rare for any transvestite to try and persuade another member of the family, or a child, to cross-dress.

There are transvestites who, when dressed as a female, want to be called by a female title, for example ‘mother’ or ‘aunty’. The child becomes very confused with identities, and will suffer in the knowledge that the father image is lacking. There is also the horror of discovery by outsiders, which could lead to ridicule from their friends. Invariably, in later years there is a rejection of the father.

In our opinion, it is most unwise to acquaint a child with transvestism at a time when the young mind is already fully occupied with learning about life.

18. Do we discuss this with the children?

Only you know how your children will accept it. Most children would feel that they have been let down, and fear the ridicule of their friends. In their innocence they may discuss it with people outside the family. We are all innocent until we become adults. They need to be taught the difference between right and wrong. You do not discuss your sexual activities with your children, or the many difficulties of normal life.

There are two schools of thought concerning whether or not you should tell the children, and you must be the judge. The secrets of the bedroom are kept private, and you must decide whether your partner’s dressing can also be kept a secret, or whether it should be. There is little to be gained by creating confusion about images in the minds of minors. There really is little to be gained in the children knowing; more often there is much to be lost. Self-respect, and respect from them will be lacking, because they will not have the foundation of normal parenthood. All children wish to look up to their pa rents; this habit is quite natural, and the male image is what they require from their father. To offer the knowledge of his transvestism to the children is often based not upon trust of them, but upon his greed to indulge a self-satisfying whim. Bear in mind that it will also inhibit their social life, inhibiting them from inviting friends to meet them at home, etc.

Let your children be the judge of what they want to talk about with you if they suspect or fear anything. They may not want their suspicions confirmed as fact, and they may not wish you to know that they are aware of the problems. You must accept that they will not always see you as you would wish them to.

19. Is there anything I can do which will help him?

Your very willingness will help your partner in more ways than I can write. The simple knowledge that his fears that you would reject him are unfounded is perhaps the greatest help that you can offer. The rest is a matter of using your own female judgement in helping him to create a better image for himself.

Transvestites have very limited knowledge of fashion or what suits them; they are drawn to the ‘tarty’ image in most cases. As the shops which cater for them tend to stock the more ‘fetish’ styles of clothing, he is likely to use those clothes as a means to excite himself, rather than emulating an ‘everyday’ female. Many transvestites who live alone do, through constant dressing, produce a nearer image of the everyday woman; they have plenty of time and privacy to practise the art.

Often, the transvestite thought that marriage would act as a ‘cure’, and that he would have no further desire to dress. We all believe that this can happen, and it can with a small minority, but it is more likely that the urge will return after a while, and he might build up a secret store of clothes, fearing to use yours because of the danger of discovery. It may shock you when you see some of the things he has; but these will be the type of clothes that excite him most, and he will use them in the attempt to get the compulsion out of his system.

Your help will be invaluable in helping him to create a better image; buying clothing which might present him in a better light. Advice on make-up — for instance, eye shadow; most transvestites use it like paint, giving themselves ‘two lovely black eyes’ rather than helping them to look feminine!

Like a child with a new toy he will doubtless want to dress as often as he can in the early days, but after a period he will find a level that is acceptable to you both. With the knowledge that there are other areas where he can be dressed openly, and meet others, he will prefer to do this rather than just dressing at home. Instead of just getting dressed, he is getting dressed with a reason, which itself becomes the therapy to overcome the manic compulsion and get back into the mainstream of life.

This, with your help, can only improve your relationship.

20. If I agree to allow him to dress as a woman, will he want to do it more?

Certainly. Now that it is out in the open he will treat it just like a new toy and play with it for as long as it gives him pleasure. His new-found freedom of expression will be demanding at first; but you are also free to say that you are bored with him constantly wanting to put on a frock. State your points calmly, but let your feelings be known. You will find that your points are noted and acted upon. After years of frustration he will not want to lose ground, or the opportunities he now enjoys. Sense will prevail, and adjustments will be needed as to when, and how often, it is agreeable for him to dress. It can be very boring — or very enjoyable.

Owing to your circumstances you might not be able to allow him to indulge as often as he would like. There are ways around this; for example, one does not always have to dress fully to enjoy transvestism. Or, by attending a transvestite social group he can dress for a reason; you in turn can enjoy part of the social life that does exist for transvestites. Visiting transvestite groups, or other individuals, can bring many new friendships, often outside transvestism. You will also find that his attitudes can change for the better; a re-awakening of other interests is often the case. The fact that he no longer fears that you will discover his transvestism will often lead to a better relationship.

It is also very noticeable that when the transvestite is meeting others, dressing in isolation becomes dull, and the urgency to dress diminishes. He will tend to dress instead for these social occasions, and get back into the mainstream of life and other social activities from which he has withdrawn. It appears that meeting other transvestites reduces the need to dress; from your point of view this will be very encouraging.

Transvestites always want somebody’s help in perfecting a better image, and a little lesson on better presentation might be enjoyable. He may want to find out how the other half lives — maybe he would enjoy a little role-playing as a busy housewife, and you can have a well-deserved rest! Many wives welcome the opportunity, and for your partner it can be quite dramatic.

You must allow yourselves a chance to come to terms with it, and enjoy having fun. It is not demanding, as some people think. Two happy people will get more from life than two who cannot accept each other’s little faults. It may seem easier to ignore his transvestism, and hope it will go away; but it will not, and you will drive a wedge between yourselves until it leads to a future apart.

Seek out other wives and girlfriends and talk with them. Women are more sympathetic, understanding, and free about communicating their fears and doubts. Men are more concerned with their egos. Nobody is perfect.

He may wish to express his freedom by wearing a skirt, as you do by wearing jeans. Try to understand a little. For him it might be freedom from mental stress. If you give it a try you’ll find it is a step towards a better relationship.

21. Why do transvestites use female names?

The simple answer is that when he is cross dressed the transvestite adopts not only female clothes, but the female mannerisms. In company, it would be odd to hear what appears to be a female addressed as “Sid” or “Jim”. It is no more than taking the act of dressing a little further; in adopting a female name, the transvestite will feel added femininity. Many names are adaptable between the sexes; for example, Jackie and Jack; Michael and Michelle. In talking and writing, the transvestite will also use the pronoun of “She”. This is another word which helps to reinforce their feelings of femininity while they are dressed.

Do we not also call our pets, such as cats or dogs, by human names? For instance, we might possibly use such terms as, “Your mummy has a lovely bone for you”.

“Mummy?”

22. Even though accept his transvestism my partner gets very moody and irritable at times. Why is this?

One aspect of transvestism which seems to be little known is that it is a compulsion created through sexual excitement and secrecy, which can become an almost man obsessional fixation. Quite a mouthful, but it is simply that in shedding one form of guilt by sharing his secret with you he now has a sense of loss, coupled with a whole new series of doubts and fears.

The loss is that when his transvestism was still secret, each time he dressed was a planned campaign; and each time he ‘got away with it’ once more, his ego was boosted. The moods which he might have suffered in his secretive days through the frustration of his desire to dress were dispelled by your knowing of his transvestism. They have now been replaced by doubts about your acceptance. Are you seeing him as less of a man? Do you really understand, or are you appeasing him so that you may ‘do your own thing’? Will you seek a lover? Have you got a lover? Do you want a “real man” to take his place? Is he really being fair to you by remaining your husband?

Transvestites often have no knowledge about themselves apart from what they have gleaned from the very little written material on the subject: from what is often stated as a ‘fact’ — that they are perverts — to the statement that they are a special type of person who, in dressing as a stereotypical woman, have no sexual feelings for the opposite sex. The former is based largely on ‘research’ into the subject through inter views with male prostitutes who used cross-dressing as part of their stock in trade, and the latter is rubbish which originated from an ‘expert’ whose opinion was that transvestites were only such if they felt as he did. It is completely wrong to lump all transvestites together at any definitive level.

No woman really feels happy about her partner being a transvestite, and will have fears about the future, but the fact that it is no longer a secret gives both parties a chance to find a level of acceptance. It may be talked about openly and realistically, with both realising that there is a great deal more to life than a skirt or pair of trousers. The image of a person presented by the clothes they wear is merely an image for social acceptance, not the full depth of the real person; which can only be gauged from within a close relationship. With discussion, truth, and open affection, together with a measure of mutual understanding, the moods should be dispelled, and a deeper measure of loving relationship reached.

23. I have accepted my partner’s transvestism, but now he wants me to accompany him while he is dressed, in public. I cannot face the idea. Am I being unreason able?

No. This is something which many women object to, and for good reason. During the working week the man may be at work, but the woman is likely to create a circle of friends, both among her immediate neighbours and from the surrounding area. All will enjoy having a chat when they meet, and in normal circumstances would introduce any companion they were with. Though the man might pass for a female at a distance, very few will bear inspection at close quarters. Many do not have feminine features, and when they aim for a glamorous image they will often appear to be over made up. Covering the beard shadow is often a problem, and in their attempts to present a more feminine look the make up is apt to be excessive. Even if he was not detected immediately, it would soon be realised (due to the different reactions; voice, gestures, etc.) and the deception detected.

Any woman would dread such a possibility, and the ensuing embarrassment caused by the almost inevitable local gossip. At best, a woman’s life is mundane; housework and shopping can be a drudge. She cherishes her friends and acquaintances; meeting them are highlights in her day, and to lose these contacts would bring loneliness.

Unless the woman, whether wife or girlfriend, is willing, then the matter should be dropped. Demands such as these will help no one; and every woman has a perfect right to refuse if she feels she cannot accept such a proposal.

24. My partner has started dressing again after many years of not doing so and more so since I have felt no need of a sexual relationship. Can this be a reason?

To be honest I think this is the reason. Though you may no longer feel the need for sexual intercourse, your partner might still feel sexual. As, in the past, transvestism served as a sexual fantasy role for him to ease his frustration, he has returned to it as an outlet. Since you know of his transvestism, it can safely be brought into the open, and it will help if you talk it over. Remember that it should mean nothing more to you that he is using women’s clothes as a sexual fetish than if you found that he was using ‘girlie’ books. Both are the same; both aid him in his fantasy, leading to masturbation — nature’s release from frustration.

25. I saw a Drag Act in a pub after I learned of my partner’s transvestism. I found them crude, and a parody of women. Are they transvestites?

It is not unreasonable to assume that some of them have transvestite tendencies, but in “Men in Frocks” (Published in 1984) there are some forty mentions of drag acts, and only one chapter dealing with transvestism and transsexuality. Other than this, none of the artistes interviewed mentioned or referred to themselves as transvestites. Most of them are gay people who mime to records, or produce caricatures of women, with exaggerated mannerisms and often some crudity; mainly in gay venues. From one point of view they might be frightening to the onlooker, but they do make the public aware that transvestism exists, and that men do dress as women for reasons other than sexual stimulation.

Often, the transvestite who has little chance of outward expression will adopt an exaggeratedly ‘tarty’ image, using clothing which gives a glamour look, or fetishistic styles. If there is such a thing as true transvestism, it is those who adopt the conventional styles of fashion as worn by women of their own age group; emulating, in fact, average women. For some, this might be their supposed first steps to thinking that they are transsexual rather than transvestite.

Some transvestites believe that female impersonators are also transvestites; perhaps you have also made this common mistake. However, very few transvestites ever become female impersonators — the inhibitive nature of transvestism precludes the high form of exhibitionism needed by the female impersonator.

26. The media often portray the transvestite as a murderer or child molester, (“Dressed to Kill”, “Kiss of the Spider Woman”) are they really like that?

An emphatic ‘No’ would be wrong. However, is there any grouping within human society where we can say it does, or does not, happen? No area of human expression is immune from individuals who might maim or hurt others. Films, etc., invariably need a storyline in which a character has to be outside the norm. It is all too easy to ascribe to those who already stand outside ‘normal’ society behaviour patterns and modes over and above the simple impulse to transvestism or transsexuality. They are a small minority in society, but it is reasonable to believe that a couple could be child molesters, or even murderers, but they would amount to only a minute proportion of the total population of transvestites and transsexuals; certainly no larger a percentage than that in humanity at large.

Transvestism is not about hurt, strength, hate; quite the reverse. Society sees women as mothers, lovers and providers; and as soft, gentle people. It is sad to see them degraded, relegated, used in a debased way — in films which are disgusting to the most hardened person. We are disgusted because we love women for their gentleness and compassion. Transvestites adopt these qualities for themselves through the act of dressing. To a degree, it might also be said that transvestites are cowards — evading their responsibilities in society, and of the male in his marriage and work role. In their emulation of the female, they do not look for an aggressive image, preferring the stereotype image of the female; quite unlike their portrayal in several recent films.

A better example of a film, showing a person dressing as a woman, was the Oscar nomination “Tootsie”, starring Dustin Hoffman. In the film he took on a female role in a television soap opera, and the character he was playing became a cult figure. This is one of the few films made where the transvestite was not depicted as a murderer or a criminal. Another film “Some like it Hot”, starred Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon as two musicians who dressed as females to escape from gangsters. Marilyn Monroe, who was the sex bomb of the era, made it perfectly clear throughout the film that neither of her two co-stars were anything other than men in female dress. At the end of the film, where Jack Lemmon told the amorous Joe E. Brown, “But I’m a man!” — Joe’s answer said it all: “Nobody’s perfect!”

It is a great pity that today, with entertainment piped into every front room, producers seem unable to revive the simple humour, fun and enjoyment of life without resorting to drugs, murder, rape, as the recurring themes. Why not productions in which the actors might be given the opportunity to show that transvestites, transsexuals, gays, are just normal people, rather than projecting an image of sexual violence or worse?

Prisons are not filled with transvestites or transsexuals, but with ‘respectable’ people— whose neighbours and friends are amazed to hear the lists of their criminal acts; horrified to learn that they have committed crimes from murder to rape. Yet the most innocent and gentle of people, transvestites and transsexuals, are almost invariably depicted as the exact opposite in ‘entertainment’ for the viewing public.

27. I found some books which dealt with transvestism, which I found disgusting. There were photographs of men dressed as women, in underwear, etc., exposing themselves. Why?

Because transvestism is a highly sexual form of expression, i.e., for masturbation. Often, because the person concerned is unable to relieve his frustration because he is not able to cross dress, he will buy trashy commercial magazines which depict transvestism in its ugliest form. Not all transvestism is exhibitionism; of men attired as women with their male genitalia exposed. Transvestism is an imaginative fantasy in which the person will see himself in many variations of being dressed as a woman; they are likely to find themselves becoming sexually excited if they read of a transvestite in a newspaper report or a magazine article. They will relate the story to their own experiences, and pleasure they obtain by dressing in women’s clothes; or imagine themselves in the situation described in such an article or report.

The obscenity of such photographs as you saw may be offensive to you; but to the individual transvestite they are proof that other men cross-dress, as they do. There are also many ‘girlie’ magazines; soft and hard pornographic publications in which girls, men and sometimes even animals are portrayed. Such magazines have a market; some men derive sexual satisfaction from them, and commercial entrepreneurs will capitalise on any deviation from the norm, exploiting the compulsions of these individuals. Whether they continue to play a significant part in the future life of the individual transvestite depends entirely on whether he realises that he collected them originally for reassurance — to see that there are others with the same desires as him.

Many authors have equated transvestism simply as dressing for masturbation — which is rather like saying that men marry only to have sexual intercourse. Certainly transvestites do masturbate, but probably no more than the average male, married or single. The difference is that their fantasies, through which they achieve sexual excitement, are by cross-dressing as females. However, transvestism is not solely an act of dressing up for masturbation; it covers a vast area of sexual and sensual pleasures and feelings which the transvestite finds it difficult to express in words. Most will say that the act of dressing provides them with a sense of relief, comfort and escape. The books might possibly have played a part in satisfying their needs.

Confrontation, and an explanation, is your right. When the transvestite is caught out he will suffer a great deal of anxiety with regard to your future actions. If the transvestism has been unknown until that moment, we have already explained the reasons for your disgust in other answers within this book.

I would point out that not all transvestite literature deals with the subject in a perverse way — this booklet is one example of a clear approach, and there are other journals and magazines published by our own, and other organisations, which are quite helpful. Often, for the transvestite, reading such journals for the first time will give him a sense of order and a better perspective, and the same might be said for his partner.

If you discuss the objectionable books with your partner, and make your objections to such literature quite clear, I am sure you will find he will be willing to destroy them. The transvestite is unlikely to wish to make use of such erotica in the future, but will be content with the more mature and realistic approach of journals such as our own publication ‘The Glad Rag’.

28. If my partner joins your organisation, will it affect our relationship by giving him more opportunities to dress?

Not necessarily. In fact, it can allow him to take his transvestism away from the home — without the risk of exposing himself to close public scrutiny in places such as clubs or wine bars which are used by the general public. Such exposure can be very disconcerting for those who are just coming to terms with their emotive feelings, and probably feeling very nervous about appearing dressed at all. At The TV/TS Centre we are offering a venue where they can mix with others without fears of hostility or rejection. You, as a wife or a girlfriend, are most welcome to visit with your partner. Often, a marriage will become stronger without the need for deceit, or the transvestite’s frustration. It can become more stable; whereas it might have reached a stage of dogmatic frustration, the Group social evenings allow free expression, becoming an evening to be looked forward to. It can also help in that the transvestism might no longer have to be faced in the home as part of your evenings together.

The opportunity to dress more often is there, but because it is, the urgency to dress is removed, and what was a manic compulsion can become merely another enjoyable hobby. If the opportunities were fully used by the members, then membership of the Group would have to be limited; for although it exceeds a thousand, the average attendance at the social evenings is 30 to 50. The membership is spread over the whole country, so not everyone is able to make full use of the Centre; those who are too far I away will still have to dress at home; but we are trying to help such members to start ‘chapters’ of the Group in various parts of the U.K. These will be based on the same format as The TV/TS Centre.

Every person who reads of, or who has visited the Group, has learnt something about transvestism which can only be to their advantage. They have found that some of their ideas were wrong, and have departed better in the knowledge that they have, at last, a sense of “belonging”; which in itself is of inestimable value.

29. As he is a transvestite, is he likely to mix with degenerate types such as prostitutes or criminals, who are often associated with night clubs?

Firstly, the Social Group is not a night club, and no entertainment is provided apart from that which we make for ourselves. As often as not, reporting in the press which makes mention of transvestites in a night club is referring to a female impersonator presented by the club for the entertainment of its customers.

We offer nothing of interest to prostitutes or criminals that would induce them to visit the Group, or want to. We offer simple facilities: a place where transvestites, transsexuals, wives, girlfriends and others can meet people with similar interests in a social atmosphere; where they can meet without fear of hostility, ridicule or rejection; where they are able to dress and socialise, often taking the transvestism away from the home — where it might be a cause of distress in the family.

Therapy, to a degree! By having the chance of expressing themselves as they wish, with help and advice on matters ranging from makeup to wigs, buying clothes, doctors and clinics, etc., the transvestite will stop doubting his sanity and get quickly back into the main stream of life. They will have a better understanding of themselves, and so will their partners. We encourage partners to come along, so that they might see at first hand that the fears which prompted your question have no foundation. If you come along with your man, not only will you be offering him your support, but you also can enjoy this new field of social life.

30. If we join any society or organisation such as yours, might we be drawn into sexual partnerships with other couples? I have read that this can happen.

The Transvestite/Transsexual Support Group has the backing of the media dealing with transvestite or transsexual questions, and we would not have that backing unless they had thoroughly investigated the Group and established that we are reputable. Referral through the ‘Agony Aunt’ columns, as well as broadcasting media, the Samaritans, marriage guidance clinics, etc., would never be made to any group or society which was in any way ‘dubious’. The social evenings held by the Group are designed to aid both partners to gain better understanding of the compulsion, and to form friendships with other couples and individuals. Often these friendships will overlap into ‘everyday’ life; just as will friendships formed by any other group of people sharing any special interest, anywhere.

There are ‘contact magazines’ etc., which publish advertisements for various sexual interest groups, and some of these may include transvestism as part of the sexual pleasures. However, we have a policy of welcoming any person, regardless of their sexual inclinations, and find that there is compatibility between both groups — heterosexual and homosexual; but their sexual inclinations play no part within the context of the Group meetings. Transvestism has no social barriers to friendships across the classes; from dukes to dustmen, we all have the same ‘badge of office’ — the skirt.

Many other societies or clubs, which create artificial barriers, could learn a lesson from transvestism; in which all men are equal (depending, of course, on the height of their high heels!)

31. I recently discovered my young son dressed in his sister’s clothes. Why did he do this?

All children love dressing up; perhaps your son was just doing it as a game. However, if you take the view that it was his way of being a girl, and he does it quite often, then you can assume that he has started towards transvestism, and that dressing is a compulsion. It can simply be an expression of loneliness or a feeling of rejection. Children have very fertile imaginations; to him it might be a way of creating a friend. It may be that he would just like to look pretty.

We condition children to form patterns of behaviour which might not seem right to them. Although girls are accepted in skirts or trousers, it is likely that your son sees sexual identity as what you wear. Therefore, if he puts on a skirt he is then a girl. Although we generally expect boys to play football and girls to play with dolls, we have girls who play football and boys who play with ‘action men’. They see dolls as real people and take soft toys to bed to comfort them. Perhaps if a boy dresses in his sister’s clothes he is trying to create his sister’s company.

Children know more than we might credit them for, and if you talk with your son in a reassuring way you can learn the extent of his need to dress. We may be afraid of the answer and not want to hear it, but we may be wrong in the assumptions we have made.

Punishment will not stop him. To his way of thinking there must be a reason for punishment and, in innocence, he does not feel he has done anything wrong. Punishment will suggest to him that it was wrong, and he might seek to answer his puzzlement by doing it again. Children are born innocent; we impose upon them our judgement of what is right and wrong.

A gentle approach may save many fears and doubts in later years. No matter what his reason was at the time, you must decide what you are going to do about the future. . If you are not satisfied that you have reassured both him and yourself, then discuss it with your GP. He will offer assistance and any psychiatric help he feels necessary. You should not feel that your son is mentally ill, but he does need understanding in his identity conflict. True understanding may be the solution. You must not draw the conclusion that he will want to be a girl in the future. It can be a whim. Tomorrow, he may be an engine driver or a spaceman. He may have done it to gain extra attention. You should encourage him to become interested in other things and guide him out of this stage in his life.

There can be many reasons why your son will dress in girls’ clothes. Even at the earliest stages of childhood we begin to understand that mother is different from father. At birth the child is able to sense the smell of the mother and the milk in the breast, this sense of smell being sharpened by hunger. As the mother is the provider of food, the child feels safe and secure with her; a bond which remains between the mother and child for life. The father may not appease the feelings of hunger, but the baby will also recognise the smell of the father; and feel secure while held and comforted by him.

These two senses remain keen in the child for a very long time, even after some ‘three to five years. It may be that this is one possible cause of transvestism in a young child. Perhaps a child finds itself alone, is frightened, and seeks comfort and solace in the bedroom, where he knows the mother could be. Here he finds the smell and surround- ‘jigs where he has obtained comfort; he may drape your clothes around himself to allay his fears and insecurity; their soft touch and smell bring him the feeling of love and safety which he needs.

Later, he begins to notice the differences between the styles of the clothes of his parents, and if he is frightened he may repeat his actions, this time partially aware that the clothes do have a meaning beyond that of mere covering; that they are the difference between the two images that are part of his everyday life: Male and female. If we te1escope time and keep these thoughts in mind we can see that the child may still be drawn to fondling or wearing his mother’s, or his sister’s clothes, and we could have one reason for the early stages of transvestism.

Transvestism is merely the desire to dress out of the conventional role image as lean by society; the image that defines the differences between the sexes. Society has set these conventional images which define the sexes; it is a pattern with which we grow up. Too often, the child does not understand, and in his confusion believes that the difference between the sexes is a matter of clothing, rather than of genitals.

There can be many other reasons why your son will dress in your clothes. Even in his teens he may suffer feelings of insecurity and fear, and resort to handling or wearing your clothes for reassurance. He may do so to gain your attention. Maybe, as he grows a little older he may become jealous when he realises that your affection is not for him alone, but also for his father. Sometimes his sister may seem to be his father’s favourite, which again may create jealousy. He might feel that if he wore girls’ clothes he might then receive the attention which he feels is lacking; although the opposite reaction is normally the result.

It is important for you to understand that in no way are you to blame as a parent. No blame can be attributed; the reasons for transvestism are almost as many as there are transvestites. If anyone is ‘responsible’, it is the transvestite himself.

32. I discovered my young son dressed in female clothes, and that he has a wardrobe which contains a large amount of girls’ clothes, even underwear. He refuses to give them up and says that he wants a sex change.

Firstly; your son has become a transvestite who has a very strong urge to dress. Very few transvestites in their early teens build up their own wardrobe off female clothing; they have a tendency to borrow either yours or a sister’s. There are some who are really convinced that they ‘think they are women’, who, having read many of the books about people who have had sex-change operations, relate strongly with some of the feelings described in the early chapters of these books. What is seldom mentioned is that all transvestites, in the act of dressing, are to a degree stating that they would like to have been women. Most arrive at a sensible compromise, and confine their cross-dressing for either sensual or sexual reasons, or just for sheer fun and enjoyment.

We must remember that there really are some who are transsexual, in sexual organs and secondary characteristics, but the early stages of transvestism closely parallel the claims of transsexuals in much of the published literature. It should be borne in mind that transvestism is the cradle of transsexuality; they are often one and the same. Many transvestites will claim that they are transsexual to justify their wearing women’s clothes, hoping to gain acceptance in society while living in their chosen role.

Some feel that, because transvestism is often seen as a masturbatory form of expression, and that they do not get sexual pleasure from dressing, then they believe that they should feel that they are women. In trying to present a better image, they disown their transvestism and say that the clothes have nothing to do with their transsexualism; often they have little other justification for stating that they want to be women. Only a very few who have had a measure of success, and are living the lifestyle of a woman among women, have hit the news. The most famous of recent years, Tula, who did so very well and became a top model, should not be regarded as typical; she is in all ways an exceptional case. Others, who have a large measure of success, are those who reach an agreement with the firms for whom they work, that they continue in their work role, with the allowance that they wear female clothing. That they live and work as females are criteria lain down by the Gender Identity Clinics if they are eventually to be considered for surgery. This can, and often has, given rise to resentment from women with whom they work over the use of toilets, while they are still males awaiting surgery. Though many can reach a stage where they are partly successful, many discover that the social pressures outside the area of acceptance at work causes them to understand that there is more to being a woman than simply wearing a dress.

Some, with personal wealth, do have private surgery, but find that, beyond their narrow group of other transsexuals, they are still not looked upon as women. Among themselves they tend to foster their beliefs that transsexuals are a race apart, with a tendency to fill their newsletters with the ‘wonders of womanhood’. Seldom do they know of the real lifestyles of other transsexuals who have to work very hard for their success; or of natural women by birth.

In the case of your son, you should seek medical help. Your general practitioner will recommend you both to a psychiatrist; his decisions will be those of a person who has real insight. Depending on your son’s age, and your own thoughts on the matter, he might in turn refer your son to a specialist consultant psychiatrist who deals with transsexuals. Acting on this professional medical advice, if you and your husband agree that eventual gender reassignment will be to your son’s advantage, and you allow him to have treatment, then you are to be commended. To take this course at an early age will give him a better start in life than to have the trauma later on, when you may not be able to accept it.

There is no alternative to professional medical advice. If accepted for treatment at a Gender Identity Clinic, your son might come to terms with his nature at a stage prior to the actual sex-change operation. The final decision on whether he has surgery must, of course, remain his alone. If help is sought through one of the transvestite/transsexual groups or transsexual societies there is some danger that a biased view might be presented; i.e., that the road through to final surgery is the only ‘true path’. Like most things in life, there is no single ‘true path’ which will suit all individuals. By all means make contact with such a group or society if you, or your son, feel that it will benefit him; it will provide social contact with other transsexuals and transvestites. He might find that, in his confusion, he thought he was transsexual and is actually a transvestite. Some of the transsexuals may be willing to point out the many hazards, difficulties and pains that lie in his path — as well as the ‘wonders of womanhood’. If he is below the age of consent, he should always be accompanied to such meetings by a parent or guardian — there will be few members of his own age. The strong views (dogma, even) of an adult could easily distort a young person’s thinking. These people can offer friendship and social contact but they are not qualified to judge the right course for your son. It is far better to seek professional advice and assure him of the best possible chance of a happy life than accept the words of amateurs, which could lead to a major tragedy.

Some boys will think at a very young age that by dressing as a girl this will make them feel what they want to be at that time — a girl. In many life stories of transsexuals the claim is made that even at five to eight years old they knew they were “born in the wrong body”. Most children of that age hardly know their five times table, let alone the difference between the sexes. They are at school, being trained in the acquisition of knowledge. This is based on memory, of retaining knowledge which gives them an awareness not only of the three ‘R’s’, but that they are part of a family, brothers and sisters, playmates and friends, boys and girls. At this early age they see the clothing worn as being the difference between the sexes. They also begin to learn about love and jealousy, how to lie and cheat, and the difference between right and wrong. They gain the knowledge that their inner desire to wear girls’ clothes is wrong. They can dress as cowboys or Indians, spacemen or train drivers, but not as girls! So, to dress in girls clothes becomes taboo, and they seek to keep this as a secret. The act of dressing becomes a secret game. All children love secret games — their books are filled with stories based upon secrets; secrets from grown-ups, secrets from other groups of children; secrets from others. Here is his personal secret from the whole world!

There is, however, the feeling that to be discovered would bring shame and rejection. This may be shown in certain behaviour patterns —we might see a boy holding a pair of girl’s knickers at arms length as if they smelled; yet they might be clean. Already he has learnt that clothing has meanings which are different for the sexes, and that knickers cover a part of the body which a boy also has, but different. Just how they are different is still a mystery, and as he learns more the mysteries become greater. To him, all females have a mystery of behaviour; they act differently, and behave differently, as much as they dress differently. Girls wear softer and more colourful materials, shiny or trimmed with lace. Great fuss is made of underclothing — yet it is hidden. These garments, which might seem to him to be the finest of what they wear, are immediately covered by dress or skirt, and the hem pulled down to conceal them from view. Yet the boy can see, on advertisement hoardings, in magazines and books, pictures of women displaying under wear which is very beautiful — yet if he watches his mother or sister is getting dressed, he might be told not to be a ‘Peeping Tom’. We set standards that give rise to more confusion — the mystery deepens’

Society decrees a pattern of behaviour to define the two sexes not so much from gender as from dress. Fashion is the prime mover; girls can copy boys and wear boys styles of clothing, but boys may not dress as girls. Girls who dress in boys clothing are very seldom pretending to be boys, but boys who are drawn, by whatever reason, to cross-dress are pretending to be, or maybe even believing, that they are girls.

There is very little understanding in this area, as it is extremely difficult to study. The main difficulty is that the family with a son who dresses in secret has no knowledge that it is happening. Even where it is discovered, it is usually kept within the family, often with the idea that in can be ‘knocked out of him’. Brute force and ignorance will create even more confusion in the boy’s mind; all that will be achieved is to drive him into greater secretiveness, and make him even more disturbed about himself. Trying to find out why the boy (or even girl) wants to wear the clothes of the opposite sex at this early age, might well solve their problems and provide the answer which will guide them into other areas. The cross-dressing might then become no more than a meaningless memory.

Later, with the discovery of masturbation, he may have another reason to use female clothing — in order to sexually excite himself. If we are to understand the transvestite, then we must recognise that male sexual awareness can be a great factor in transvestism. Masturbation is the male secret which every male discovers; an act of self-discovery, both physically and of the power of the imagination. The fantasy is usually centred on the woman as a sex object. Not all transvestism is in the young child, it has entered a person’s life as late as sixty; no reason can be given as to why or how: it can stem from any one of a thousand reasons. However, in the young person there is little doubt that adolescence is the most vulnerable period. This is when the boy begins to learn about sex; that his sexual organs have other functions besides relieving the bladder and that women have a role to play in this. His sex education is frequently far from ideal, half-truths from his friends and evasion of questions by adults can cause him more fear than reassurance.

Fear. That is a key word for a young boy. Can he perform? Will he be able to attract a girl? And so on. These are very real fears which, on the threshold of manhood, might cause him to escape into fantasies, avoiding having to face the real situations. In masturbation he can evade this confrontation with reality.

Most young boys feel that they are some sort of failure; more often than not through listening to their friends boasts of their own success with girls (usually grossly exaggerated!) Perhaps, in dressing in your clothes, he ‘creates’ a girl for himself who, to him, is quite real. He may often indulge in fantasising; masturbating to end the ‘game’. Then he feels a powerful sense of disgust and guilt at what he has done. If the reaction of his parents is anger, disapproval and punishment, this will only deepen his sense of guilt and make him secretive about his transvestism; a course which will thrust him into years of acute unhappiness about his innermost feelings.

It is best to let him know of your awareness, approaching the subject in a matter-of- fact way; not name-calling or giving him labels, but trying to find the reasons why. Often, you will discover that he is confused about his sexual nature, and what is expected of him as a man.

Your husband, his father, should also help. Most of the answers your son may be seeking are quite simple, and knowing that you are both trying to help will give him reassurance and restore his trust and faith in you. Nothing will be achieved by anger or punishment, but a real and active interest in him can, and will, show him that there are many more things in being a man which will hold his interest, and the whims of dressing will no longer have the compulsion that they did.

It is by no means certain that you will completely overcome his urge to dress, but if can be made a shared effort, and not further confused by shouting or attacks, then there a better chance that he will be able to contain his desires within reasonable limits. Most transvestites, on making contact with others, discover that the whole aspect of their transvestism changes. What was a strong compulsion becomes a harmless hobby which be controlled, and the manic urge to dress decreases after the first few months.

FIRST EDITION

With my grateful thanks for their help and encouragement; to “Wives and Girlfriends” — Mary, Wendy, Jayne, Helene, Jane, Babs and Jeanne.

My thanks to little Anne Glew, for listening and taking notes.
Special thanks to Angela, Ian and Christine-Jane, for reading and re-reading the proofs.
To Members of the Wives Group for funding and support of these booklets.
Extra special thanks to Christine-Jane, the editor, for the long hours spent in correcting and editing my broken Cockney English, and the printing staff who gave their time freely in helping to keep the costs down.
and sincere apologies to anyone I have forgotten.

Yvonne Sinclair. November 1984.

SECOND EDITION — FURTHER THANKS:

In this Second Edition have gained the support of wives, girlfriends and partners, and thank them for adding their own questions to clear or resolve some of the doubts which remained. This edition is extended; not with further questions which I felt women might ask, but with their own questions. I am indebted to them for taking the time to read the first Edition, and to feed me with further questions and reactions. The Third Edition (which will no doubt lead to the 4th and 5th!) will, I hope, continue to keep me on my toes, and the women within their marital status or relationships.

First Edition published November 1984; Reprinted April 1985.
Second (Completely Revised) Edition October 1986; Reprinted August 1988.
Third Edition with amendments and corrections, May 1990.

© 1989THETV/TSGROUP

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying recording or otherwise, without prior perm ission of

The TransvestitelTranssexual Support Group IUK, (Registered Charity No. 295376)
2 French Place, Shoreditch, London El 6JB.
Telephone: 071-729 1466

ISBN 0 9510077 2 6

Phototypeset and Printed for the TransvestiteiTranssexual Support Group (fl/iTS Group (UK) I by Wilton Printing Company, 2396 Preston Road, Wembley, Middlesex HA9 8PE. 081-908 1573